Let yourself enjoy things. When you lose a child, there is a ‘noise’ in your head constantly, thoughts of your child whirling around in a ‘white noise’ that soaks up energy and capacity to think. It’s exhausting. After Evie died I forgot to do the things I loved; cooking, baking and enjoying a decent glass of wine. Food was fuel that my body needed and nothing else. I felt guilty if I enjoyed something because Evie wasn’t there to share it. But you know, I believe that we need to enjoy things if only for a short while. Just doing something for ourselves, something that we once loved gives our brains a respite from the pain, allowing it to heal and recover, and as importantly, rest.
It takes enormous energy and drive to force ourselves to sit and read, knit, cook something interesting or spend an hour on that hobby that once gave us pleasure. But we MUST do it.
I’m now cooking again, and am teaching one of Evie’s best friends to cook. Yes it’s sad, but it’s also productive. For a couple of hours each month, the noise in my head subsides a little and my blood pressure drops. Evie isn’t there, but if I’m not fit and healthy then I can’t work to preserve her memory.
If we look after ourselves, we can do more to make certain that our children’s names are remembered by those around us.